When things just don't work out...

At the start of October I had no orders at all for the whole month for one of my jobs. This is always a tough position for me as although I am self employed I do rely solely on one companys work - it's a long story, but that's the way it is.

I decided it was the ideal opportunity to make a start on a project for this blog to give you all a simple free pattern project that is very season specific - and really wasn't overly relevant after the end of the month.

I made a great start! I made my mock up patterns, cut out the fabrics, made samples, photographed them, worked on the instructions, and made a start on the PDF that people could download for free...

Then, 1 week before the end of the month we had school half term. I planned out my time to work, booked my son into various activities we could all go on - I was very exited to publish the post. 

Then...I hit a brick wall with the PDF, it just wouldn't work, I followed instructions, swore, cried, and shouted a lot...but I felt sure I could sort it out in time - but - the company I do the work for suddenly had an emergency order...4 days before the end of the month! 

I was kind of grateful for the work, it meant a small amount of money would be available for December, but it also meant that I just wouldn't get my pattern published in time! 

I was a mess - this is something I have learned is probably due to my ADHD - As always I was in denyal about how much time and effort the project would take, I have done this all my life but now I know why. I overestimate my abilities and I find it hard to make the time to do the things I love doing because I get so easily distracted and assume that because something has instructions on YouTube it will automatically translate to what I am doing - how often do you follow instructions that say "click on the button on the bottom right side" only to find that in your version of the program or app there is no button!

Now I understand why so many industries work 2 or 3 or even 4 seasons in advance! - I have things I would love to have a virtual shop set up and my first kits for sale by the end of November - but in reality I think I need to be working on plans for next Christmas - but I also know that if I decide to do that, I may well procrastinate so much that in 12 months time I will be in the same position I am now. 

I have been reflecting on why I have always struggled with consistency in the one area of self employment that I have wanted to do more than any other all my life, compared to my other "self employed" work, and I think I have figured it out...

Currently I have two self employed roles. The first as I mentioned is order dependant - I get an order and a deadline - I get to chose when I do the work so it fits in around childcare, school, etc etc but ultimately has to be done by a certain date or I don't get paid and that is what motivates me to do it. I don't enjoy the job, but it fits with my life at the moment.

The second job is actually a franchise that I am tied into working on a certain day at a certain time every week of the year. The income fluctuates massively seasonally and sometimes even weekly. I actually enjoy running the sessions each week, and the fact that it is a structured, unmovable event also means that I have to do it, or I don't get paid. 

But - my dream has always been to do my own thing, to make, sell, teach, enable people with my textiles. To be free to work and fit it into my life, to do the things I am passionate about, to be in control of my projects and time...but without those deadlines, those set in stone sessions, and with no one but myself to be answerable to, it feels like everything is out to stop me, to get in my way, to drain my time and energy - and it doesn't matter how structured my plans are at the start of the week, an email, opening social media, a request for help from a parent, a TV show, basically anything at all will draw my attention and before I know it 3 hours have passed and I have done nothing, or I sit there feeling paralysed by other tasks that grab my attention, like the bathroom needing a clean, or a pile of things for the charity shop that have sat there for month. I end up feeling I can't do one job until I have done another, and do neither! 

In January I may have to give up my franchise to fit around my sons school timetable, which to be honest I will be glad to leave, and Juicyfig I am hoping will help replace some of that lost income - but knowing my own mind like I do, I am already panicking - I know technically I will have more time to do my JF work, but I also know how easily that time will just evaporate if I let it. 

The season of mist and mellow fruitfulness...

It is hard to believe that only a couple of months ago most of the UK was in the grips of a heatwave. As I searched for the coolest clothes to wear and filled the freezer with ice pops it was inconceivable that before long I would be digging out my winter sweaters and buying an electric blanket! 

Autumn is a season of great contrast, it bridges the end of summer and the start of winter, with cold crisp mornings that take your breath away and dazzles your eyes as the sun sits lower in the sky. The leaves are a riot of shades from green, yellow, orange, red and brown, the hedgerows are filled with fruit and nuts, the woodlands and fields providing edible fingi to pick and non edible fungi to marvel at, the apples are abundant, and we search for conkers like they are precious treasure, filling our pockets. 

There is a sence of comfort that comes from preserving nature's harvest for the coming months.

I get me Sloe Gin and Beeswax book off the shelves, look through the pages and dream of my small holding and my still-room that I probably will never have, but it's still nice to dream.

Autumn is also a time for endings, the nights draw in and the days feel shorter, the warmth from the sun has gone, the trees become bare as the leaves fall and rot feeding the earth around them, small creatures stock their larders and fill up ready for a time when the ground will be hard and their food supplies become scarce, the rain comes more often and the ground slowly becomes saturated leading to flash floods that seam to occur more frequently and to more devastating effect that they used to - and of course this year in the UK we have the "cost of living crisis" and it has become too expensive to even heat our homes, cook those warming winter dishes we crave or even drive our cars! 

Currently I work a couple of different jobs, and one of them is very quiet this month, I rely on orders from one company and this month they haven't ordered anything. I am taking the opportunity to make a start on my new venture, well..it's more of a relaunch of an old venture but in a new way - I mentioned it briefly last time.

It feels perfect for Autumn, I feel like I am preparing for harder times with it, filling my larder in preparation for the months ahead so to speak. 

So on the days when the sun filters through and the days are crisp and dry I will embrace my hand knits and cosy boots, and when the weather is wet and muddy my wellies come out and my waterproofs, and inside we will wrap up in our patchwork quilts and knitted blankets, light the candles, eat hot carb filled soups and stews from our slow cooker and hunker down waiting for the dark months to end and spring to peep through once more.

A fresh Perspective

If you have followed me for a while on this blog or on Instagram you will know how many times I have tried to make my own little business out of what I love...Textiles.

I have made random items to sell, decided I needed to focus on one area, got bored with repetition, changed tack, started again and again and again, done courses, qualifications, training... You get the picture.

One thing getting an ADHD diagnosis has done is send me down the rabbit hole of researching everything about it and trying to relate it to my own life, and future.

Something that I see repeatedly is how suited us ADHDers are at creativity and self employment

All I read in the forums is just how difficult ADHDers find it to find the focus to actually start and then be consistent within that business, and when tasks that don't stimulate our dopamine need to be done...we ultimately give up and give in.

I knew this was something I had always struggled with without knowing why - but now I know the why I need to work out the how - just how can I make a business that satisfies my own needs but also engages potential customers, and also keeps those customers returning?

I have found the kind of self employment I have been doing for the past ....years works because the work I am doing has deadlines and set times etc that I have to work to in order to get paid, but working entirely under my own steam as I have tried with the crafting means that without those deadlines and set times and routines I just procrastinate the bits I don't enjoy, get distracted from tasks and also end up being the person who gets called upon time and time again to provide support (elderly parents, family etc) they know I don't work 9 - 5 so assume my time is my own or flexible. And while I do want to help and rescue, and support (as we often do!) it eventually drives me to burnout, meltdowns, and feeling like I have no life to do what I want - and don't get me started on the distractions of social media!

Recently I have had to rearrange my entire week to work with my son at school, he is only in for 2 hours a day at the moment and unfortunately his new teacher said it was OK for mummy to be in the classroom with him when he asked on his first day back. I now have no chance of leaving him now, but I sit in a corner so he knows I am there and the only resource I can take with me is my tablet and note pad (neither of my other 2 jobs can be carried to a classroom, and neither need a computer!) 

So I had to decide what to do with that time, as doom scrolling Facebook was not an option, I had to make it productive!

And so I have picked up the research I was doing in my degree, I am working with how my brain and hyper focus and distraction etc effect me and I am making a plan!

I know my "shop" will be random, but within that random will be the textiles theme interwoven in every fibre of it (see what I did there?) 

I know that I will lose focus on certain areas and plan to have kits, instructions, tutorials etc in place to enable others to create their own items, or to learn new skills or techniques while I can work on the next project 

I know there will be a lot of learning for me, there are new tools  and tech available that I need to learn as the ones from only a few years ago I used in my degree have already been surpassed. Social media much as I loath it and love it in equal measures has also changed a lot in recent years so yes, lots to learn and navigate.

What I won't do is put myself under too much pressure - Hopefully in the New Year our school situation will have changed, but if and when that happened I may have to give up one of my other self employed jobs just to fit in school runs and support, and that seams like a nice time line to bring this new incarnation of The JuicyFig to reality. 

If you would like to follow my misadventures on Instagram I am at @the_juicyfig and soon I will hopefully have a shop etc so check out @juicyfig_makes

And..you never know, I might remember to blag about it all too! 

When Life Suddenly Makes Sence...

Here I am with the world's most intermittent blog! 

But - now I understand why my blog is so intermittent - and why it wasn't so intermittent when I started it - and why it may or may not be intermittent in the future...

About a year ago my sons school suspected he may had ADHD and so we set the wheels in motion to get him assessed. While we were waiting for appointments I naturally decided I needed to learn more about ADHD, the signs, symptoms and possible treatments, and while doing this research realised that they also applied to myself - so I asked my GP for a referral for myself. In January my son was diagnosed and his pediatrician suggested he may also be Autistic, and so the assessment for that too began. In February this year I too was diagnosed with ADHD and again my Dr suggested I too am probably Autistic, so again I researched this and although I have no official diagnosis I am 100% certain I am.

To be honest my feeling have been quite polarised around my own diagnosis. 

Firstly I feel a sense of relief, suddenly my life makes sense! Then I felt anger at all the misdiagnosed symptoms I have had from medical professionals who have fobbed me off with shrugged shoulders and a "just get on with it" attitude at times, and medications that were entirely  inappropriate. Anger at the schools and colleges I attended who never spotted why I was struggling in certain areas etc. 

It explains why I have had so many diverse jobs, why I hyper focus on one activity to the exclusivity of all others until the hyper focus evaporates and I move on to the next subject or back to a previous one and why every single new hobby becomes a viable business in my head pushing out the last viable business I had planned.

It explains why I procrastinate at life by studying rather than doing. It explains why my house is always messy and needing cleaning, my sudden meltdowns and angry outburst, my wild mood swings as my hormones battle with my body and my body and minds craving for the  dopamine it lacks 

Explanations and realisations are just a part of the journey though, tools to help are something else! I am trying the ADHD medication myself now - I am in what is know as the Titration phase, working with my doctor to get the right medication at the right dose, and figuring out just how it is supposed to make me feel and behave, I am finding when it works it is helping to calm me down and do more, but as to focus? Well, I'm not so sure...

People ask me what it's like having ADHD because I don't seam hyperactive...

I do have bouts of hyperactive activity but for me (and many females with it) the hyperactivity is in my head. Imagine being in a room with the walls covered in TV's and every one is on, and every one is on a different channel and they all demand your attention...its a bit like that! When the hyper focus hits, all that is still going on but muted a little while you obsess over your hyper focus subject, it is all you want to think about, all you want to do, all you want to talk about to anyone who will (or won't) listen. 

There are so many layers to it, and more becomes apparent every day. 

And so, now I need to move forward and grow in a new way that supports and works with my mind. I have a lifetimes experiences to draw on, and with this new revelation I can look at those experiences and work in a new way that doesn't fight those impulses but embraces them, making the most of the hyperfocus, recognising the signs of overwhelm and having a protocol in place to rest without guilt, and I am learning to say "no" to people rather than taking everything on because people know I can't say no and take advantage of me. 

If you look back through this blog, you will know that the only thing I have ever really wanted to do it create and make, textiles, food, friends - I have been my own worst enemy at succeeding in this, but I am working on a plan that will work with my hyperfocus, not against it! 

I am not rushing into this like I usually do, I am getting advice, making plans, learning what I can do and what I can ask for help and support with, I am learning to deligate! (I have been accused of being a control freak!) and who knows, I may even blog more. 

I would love to hear from you, your thoughts and experiences. 

Big love to you all, K x

A long time in the writing...

 Wow, it has been a very long time since I last ventured onto here, life has been so very different over the past 5 years since I had my son. Who would have thought I would be starting a family all over again 24 years after having my daughter? 

The plans I had made when I started doing my textiles degree back in 2013 were practically abandoned by the time I left in 2016 with a small baby. 

That small baby is now a 5 year old school boy with the energy of an Olympic athlete. I soon realised that at over 22stone in weight and being a much older mum things had to change for me in certain areas, so in 2017 I joined a weight loss organisation and over the following two and a half years lost 12stone and became a consultant with the company buying my own franchise in it. When I turned 50 last November during the global pandemic, I was fitter, thinner and healthier than I have been since I was perhaps 9 0r 10 years old!

It has been a pleasure being a mum again as my daughter got way beyond childhood and into adulthood, but it certainly hasn't been easy, and I do feel like yet again I have put life on hold as I struggle to juggle everything it has thrown in my direction. HOWEVER I am beginning to feel that familiar old kick up the bum that makes me move forward and start to plan what direction my life will be heading to in the near future. 

The crafting bug has never gone away, waned a little a times, swapped allegiance from one craft to another, and at times vanished all together briefly but as times move towards a greener more ecological future I am beginning to make tentative steps in certain directions, directions I feel are hopefully going to make me happy, satisfy my need to work for myself in an occupation that I know is sustainable and will keep me wanting to do more and more of it. I have tried so many avenues in the past it can at times feel a little hopeless and futile, but that I now see as a learning exercise into what I have enjoyed and would like to expand on, and what has been a failure or experience that I never want to repeat - I have learned to learn them! 

I always say I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do, but turning 50 has made me realise that if I don't start to find or make the time, then the time it runs out is a lot sooner than it used to be! 

Happy Crafting folks of blogland, and fingers crossed I will be back soon! 

My first Zero Waste shopping experience

I've been shopping! 

not very exciting really...but the changes I've made in a few weeks are having a massive impact on my bin - so I'm very happy - AND, it's been much easier than I anticipated.

So the story so far - well, like most people I have done the majority of my food shopping every week in the supermarkets. For me, with a husband who has a lot of food intolerance and a very tight budget, this has meant shopping at Aldi for fruit, veg and meat, Tesco for certain "free from" items, Booths for others...the list goes on. I also got a few bits from Blackburn Market each week, some fish, bits of meat, eggs etc. I felt like I was always shopping and then throwing away tonnes of packaging (although I had convinced the fish stall that the 3 pieces of fish I get each week don't all need their own plastic bags, than all to be put in another carrier bag) 

So after a few weeks of sewing up fruit and veg bags from an old duvet cover, saving up for a set of stainless steel containers (only cheap ones, not the best!) and asking the butcher on the market how he would feel about me using my own containers and him being quite positive, I set off for my first zero waste shop

A draw full of fresh packaging free veg

It was BRILLIANT! 

Everyone was so positive - the fruit and veg stall thought it was wonderful and complemented me on my bags, the Exchange Coffee Co were more than happy to fill my tins with coffee and loose tea, the bacon stall owner asked me about zero waste shampoos as she's trying to reduce plastics herself, the fish stall just grinned at me when I passed them a tin, and the meat stall laughed when I asked for as much chicken as he could cram in the tin - I even had a tiny tin that was just the right size for my toddlers weekly pie - wins all round...until I got to the cheese stall. Even though they have the full cheeses they had cut and pre-wrapped pieces in cling-wrap. They were not happy about cutting another piece for me, and instead spent ages weighing the pre-wrapped pieces to find the closest to the weight I wanted. As there is no other cheese stall and I know it all comes pre wrapped at the supermarket I gave in until I can find another supply! 

Stainless steel containers with meat, fish and bacon in - plastic free.

I did end up at the supermarket for a few bits and pieces, cereals and bread for my husband mainly and a few tins and jars, but overall I am really pleased - here's to the next shop! 

Upcycled, recycled, cycled all over...

Another goal for 2018 is to make as many of my own and my sons clothes as possible, but to make this just that tad more challenging I am also trying to not buy any fabric this year! 

Sounds impossible? Well, looking around my sewing room I think I probably have enough fabric to keep us clothes for many years to come - it's going to be tough not to buy more though...

For almost 12 months now I have been on a diet - a BIG diet - so far I am 1lb off loosing 6 stone, I have another 4 stone to loose before reaching my goal, so a good source of fabric is my ever increasing pile of clothes that are tooooo big. Some I have donated to charity, some I intend to sell on e-bay but others are perfect to down size!

My first down sizing of 2018 is jeans that I have cleverly re-invented as....well, jeans! 

Arranging my pattern onto old jeans

I bought a load of PDF patterns last year, there are three designers I buy from at the moment, they are brilliant, Most of the patterns come in multiple sizes, and when you pay for them, you get them instantly - Most of them are now moving to 'layer' formats so when you open up the PDF in Adobe, you choose the layer with the size on you want and just print that off, simple! 

This finished Ants in the Pants pattern from Puperita

The pattern I used was Ants in the Pants from Puperita on Etsy - the great thing about all these designers is they also have great support groups on Facebook, so if you have any questions, there's always someone there to help - often the designer themselves. 

All of the designers I use are also happy for the finished garments to be sold by the makers. One does ask for anyone doing this to make a donation to a womens refuge, another charity, or to her sponsored child in Africa, and they all ask that they are named as the designer - fair enough I say!

Here they are being modeled - He is hard work to get to model anything! these are the least blurred shots.

His top is also made by me, this is a MBJM (Made by Jacks Mum) pattern.

I will pop the links at the bottom to my favorite PDF pattern shops! 

Happy sewing.

Puperita - pattern for babies and kids

mbjm - from new born to adult

MotherGrimm Kids and adult patterns

Getting Stuff Done - In the Kitchen

My Glass storage Jars for dry goods on display 

Well my year of getting stuff done is certainly gathering momentum.

I think a more relaxed approach is paying off, along side good research and a feeling of positivity, I am surprising myself with how much I can do, although it is making me kick myself a little at how long it has taken for my eyes to be opened.

I did not watch Plastic Ocean, (I will do when I think I can get through it without sobbing) but its effects are starting show in other people. I have joined a few Facebook groups dedicated to reducing waste and making do and mending, plus up-cycling clothes and fabrics etc, They are helpful and infuriating all at once! 

There is definitely a generation gap out there that really shows those who lived without much plastic years ago, those who have studied Home Economics/Cookery etc at school, and those who didn't. My approach is to just read the advice and do it how I think best, and what suits me and my circumstances.

For many years I have been aware of a problem with the amount of plastic we consume on a daily basis, but besides giving up carrier bags a few years ago (and feeling rather smug at the checkout with my reusable bags) I have buried my head in the sand with regards to everything else - And so I have been doing a waste audit. 

I have been shocked at how much plastic, single use and otherwise, my life seemed to require to function normally.

Rather than have a knee jerk reaction and just bin it all and start afresh I am considering each item as I encounter it. Can I use it again repeatedly? Once its empty/finished can I find a better alternative? Do I even need it at all? 

Small changes are already making a big impact on my rubbish and recycling bins.

First was to go back to getting doorstep deliveries of milk in glass bottles. 

We always had a milkman deliver when I was growing up, as far as I remember milk just wasn't sold in the supermarkets - and when I moved into my own home in 1992 I got my milk delivered then, but after a couple of years the milk started to arrive later and later until it was being delivered after I had gone to work, and coming home on a hot summer day to sour milk on the doorstep was the last straw, so I ditched them. 

I am so glad I have gone back (new milk man!) It arrives about 5am, so by the time we are up at 6.30am (toddler time...) it is there. I recon that's at least 4 large plastic bottles a week less going into my recycling bin.

I am currently on the Slimming World diet, and was becoming a little bit addicted to Muller-light - so my next mission was to start making my own yogurt for both me and my toddler.

I bought a wide neck flask and a small pot of live yogurt as a starter culture - and pow! I have yogurt! Apr another 18-20 less plastic items going to landfill every week.

I have been straining the yogurt to thicken it up and have had whey left over...so in the spirit of re-using I have thrown myself into the world of Fermented Vegetable - Wow, they are sooooo delicious 

 On the Right is my Husbands Whey free fermented Veg (He is milk and dairy intolerant) in the middle are my Whey Fermented Veg, and on the Left is distilled vinegar with lemon rinds infusing for cleaning

Fermented Veg in the fridge and jars of Whey waiting to be used

I have also used the Whey as a starter for my next batch of yogurt and to replace some of the water in my bread recipe - delicious!

Another issue on my list had been food waste. At one time this would have all gone to our allotment to e composted (apart from meat, dairy, citrus fruit etc etc) ut as we don't have an allotment anymore or much of a garden or a council food waste collection I have now invested in a Bokashi Bin! 

We are in early days with it yet, but it seams to be going well. Basically this is an Anaerobic digestion /fermentation system that means I can eventually 'compost' ALL food waste, I mean EVERYTHING - raw, cooked, meat, dairy, fish, bones, shells - the lot! 

It isn't taking up much space and is easy to use 

Bokashi Bin with Bokashi Bran on top

And finally, I am trying to bulk buy, find places to take my own containers to fill, making veg bags etc. More an those adventures soon. 

Results so far are;

1) less waste in both recycling and landfill bins

2) saving money - quite a bit!

3) loosing weight faster and eating healthier 

win win win! 

And that's just the kitchen...

Useful Links; 

Bea Johnson - Zero waste guru

Bokashi Bins (the cheapest I found)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018 - The year of getting stuff done!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Where does the time go?

Its been 2 years since I last posted and everything was in the middle of change! Then suddenly it's 2018.
I have been trying so hard to find time to blog, but there is always a million other things to do as well, and this always seams to take a back seat.

I wondered what people meant when they said they felt like they were running round like a headless chicken - now it all makes sense!

I finished my Textiles Degree with first class honours - just 5 months after giving birth to my surprise son! A surprise because 1) my daughter is now 26 years old 2) I thought I was too old - and might be going through the menopause 3) well, he just wasn't planned - but he is certainly very welcome and very loved now he is here - and almost 2 years old already!

Baby Fig No2 at just a few weeks old - on a quilt I made many many year ago! 

So as you might imagine, my great plans for my post degree career have all been kind of - well, altered! (I would say postponed, but at my age I think altered might be more realistic.)

I am not letting my degree go to waste though, I did a lot of interesting research in a few different areas, that I want to develop into both lifestyle habits and business opportunities, and the biggest driver in my life right now is plastics, and how I can reduce their impact on the planet in my own tiny way - 'every little helps' as the saying goes.

I have been busy joining groups on Facebook, looking at ideas on pinterest, contacting people, researching alternatives and figuring out how I can do my bit - this is going to be a long and winding road with no easy solutions, but I am determined to learn, and do what I can so that the world my son inherits is a cleaner, better one.

So...Baby steps for now.

I have been making resolutions for the new year as always, but this year I have been working on them for the past month - the first one is to worry about getting stuff done so much!  Hopefully this year they are going to inspire me to take the slower, more meandering journey rather than the all or nothing journey I usually take on then abandon soon after - I am feeling positive! I know there are more changes and upheavals ahead, so lets get this year started, bring it on!

New Begginings

Wow - I can't believe its been almost 3 YEARS since I last updated this blog, and SO much has happened.
2 years ago we lost my beloved grandma Queenie, my inspiration for crafting and my number one fan. She was 98 years old and had lived through 2 world wars and a world that had changed in incredible ways, not least the digital revolution that makes this post possible! I miss her, and think of her often.

Baby Fig has gone off to university in London to study fine art, and is loving being in her favorite city - and finds coming home to our quiet little part of England quite dull now.

For myself, well - I took the plunge as well and am just starting the 3rd year of a degree in contemporary textiles at our local collage. It has been a struggle at times with much soul searching and angst but I must admit I am enjoying it immensely, and looking forward to this last year (although the 10,000 word dissertation is like a looming black cloud at the moment!)

Mr Fig continues to make jewelry in his shed and has invested in a pressure pot - I steer clear as it all sounds a bit dangerous!

There has also been another major development in my life - but more of that at a later date...

So - some of the pleasure crafting has taken a back seat for the university work, I have learned lots of new things, and played with modern technology like the laser cutter, digital fabric printers, sublimation printers and computer programs like illustrator as well as learning how to do gold work and teaching some Russians how to make felt!

I shall leave you with a couple of images from the pieces I had to make for my course at the end of last term, and hope you are all well and happy and crafting!